Living with Millennials

During the recent lockdown, our daughter was back home and I got to experience up close what living with a millennial actually means. To begin with, millennials being digitally native, their lingo/slang is all about short messaging starting with the popular ones such as gr8 (great) , Lol (laugh out loud), tmi (too much information), imo (In My Opinion) to a little more complex ones such as nsfw (not safe for work), Lmao (laughing my ass off), Yeet (surprise or excitement), Lit (exciting/ excellent) and WTF (what the f***). The use of slang at times makes routine conversations sound like greek or latin.

Social media presence on Insta, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Twitter and lately Telegram is a MUST have. So much so, that if you are not on social media, it's as if you don't exist. Earlier social media presence would also include FaceBook, but now-a-days that's only for us, gen X'er parents. And of course, friend requests from parents are totally ignored.Social media presence besides connecting is also for online activism - petitions, political views, sharing announcements. Millennials prefer using digital wallets (aka PayTM or GooglePay) over cash to pay. They love signal products like Apple or to have coffee at Starbucks or binge-watch web series on Netflix, wear Fabindia or use products from Good Earth to help artisans, eat organic or even vegan food as it reflects their personality.

The millennials have Indian roots yet are global due to the affordability of international travel or exposure to world cuisines through programs like Masterchef. This is reflected in their music and food preferences -popularity of fusion restaurants such as SodaBottleOpenerWala, Bombay Canteen,Masala library, Glocal to name a few or music of Indian bands like The Local Train, When chai met toast etc. The Hindustani Way - Olympic song collaboration recently released by A R Rehman and Ananya Birla is another good example of their preference for a blend.

While our generation moved away from a shortage economy experienced by our parents which necessitated multi-generational living to independent living, the millennials have been born into an economy of abundance. We parents have given millennials the license to experiment - be it the choice to try out live-in relationships or have boyfriends n breakups or partnering with the same gender or even opt to self partner or become a pet parent. The freedom to experiment and choose has led parents to not only accept late marriages but also become more inclusive. Parents are opening arms to not only inter-caste or inter-religion marriages but also to international marriages as well. This generation believes in the sharing economy. They prefer Ubering over owning a car or ordering meals over Zomato or Swiggy to ghar ka khana. Recently, I came across an article which coined a new term - Indo Anglians for the new generation. As per the author, while the Anglo Indians were Britishers who opted to stay back in India, the Indo Anglians are those Indians who not only opt to choose english over their mother tongue as their preferred language of communication but are also influenced by their exposure to the western culture. To my mind Indo Anglians aptly captures the millennial mindset.(Check this to know more about Indio Anglians). One key takeaway for me about the attitude of Indo Anglians from this article is about being more inclusive, having an open arms attitude to allow everyone to continue with their beliefs or choices and the can-do confidence which to my mind very much applies to the millennials. The can-do confidence has led to children opting to move away from the popular rut of studying for popular streams such as engineering, medicine, pure sciences followed by MBA. They prefer not to rush even choosing to take a gap year before charting out independent career paths to take up careers in music, film making, entertainment product, F & B, catering, dance studio etc. This generation believes that the limitations are in the mind and to break the walls one needs to think global. Satya Nadela, Sundar Pitchai, A R Rehman or start-ups like Paytm or Zomato are the inspirations for this can-do generation which prefers to push their own limits, not the deadlines.

So what do we as parents need to learn to live with the millennials?

If everything of the past is treated as passé and happiness is there to be seen, then we as parents might as well learn to see the brighter side of these changing times. Easier said than done, but very possible. We need to learn to be the Welcoming Parents - i.e be someone who will open their arms to their choices be it their food or friends. Encourage them to invite their friends over for a sack out or a chit chat. As you play host, there’s no longer any need to get hassled about making food of their choice at home as the Zomatos and Swiggys of the world are available for your rescue to order out food of their choice. This way you will get to know them as well as their friends circle better, their conversation topics, food and clothes choices, aspirations and so on and so forth. If you miss out on this, then they might opt to stay out longer which will not only make you anxious but also rob you from understanding their aspirations and emotions. I guess, as parents we will continue to seek to build an emotional bond and connect with our millennial kids. Much as this generation is confident about living life on their own terms, time and again we hear cases of burn out, depression etc. We as parents can and should play the balancing act by letting them know about being always available to them as a cushion lest they slip. Most important of all, we need to learn to be the “cool parents” - the adventurous, non-static,always learning types. Millennials love those.

As this generation values their independence, I have learnt not to chase them, but give them their space. Give them wings to fly, while not having any expectations to reciprocate from them. Their display of affection or respect might not be the same as our own way of touching the feet of elders to seek their blessings, learn to understand or accept this.

As we parents grow old, it would be unrealistic to expect to live together with the millennials as I am sure we too will need our own space. We will need to come to terms with their way of doing sewa, as I recently experienced in the case of a few of my friends and their family. For them, sewa is providing for resources instead of presence in person e.g in covid times due to the restrictions on travel, kids managed to do sewa via providing for resources through elder care services like Portea or Care24 etc instead of presence in person. Learn to be more of a friend than a parent and they will always seek you out. It's time we learn now, else it might be too late for us to learn to live with millennials. Cheers!

Salil Datar
salilrupali@gmail.com